12:00AM- Sitting here looking through the abundance of home videos my father shot. Wondering to myself, does it all change once you meet these strangers that are only parents by blood. Will I be able to offer a piece of myself to them, without tearing away a piece from my parents now. It bothers me to think that I will have to have these two lives, but I guess in time I will find out if I'm able and willing to give myself to two different worlds.
Who knows.
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IT seems to me that with once you find out why and how you were "given up" that you're probably going to find a certain amount of closure. I never wanted to find my birth parents, because I came to accept that, there was enough love in their hearts (or a government stipend) that kept me alive long enough to be born. The real love comes in from Mom and Dad, that they wanted children, and got those pictures of us, and fell in love at first sight with our cute little asian selves. I don't know what i'd find out. It's good that you're searching. There's always a side of me that's scared if I was to go looking, i'd meet a gruff couple who wants nothing to do with me? Or how Mom and Dad would feel. Would they be upset, that maybe I was looking? I know it's not a dissatisfaction that is having you on the lookout for your birth parents, but a hole that needs to be filled.
ReplyDeleteI also fell in love with both of your cute little asian selves at first sight.
ReplyDeleteWe love you too. almost as much as Jameson's...Almost.
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